This is Chief Inspector Clouseau, of the French Sureté

Pleese do not interrupte. Because here is the wole trooth. I know it because I was hiden in the toilettes of the rum of Mister DSK. So, a lady came in the rum and I remarqued that she was painted in black. She said something me but I did not understoode. Then she went to the bathrum. Mister DSK was presisely in the bathrum tou and he was brooshing his tooth. The lady said him something in English but I did not understande, and sudenly she removed the peignoir of Mister DSK and rapped him savagelly with a brum. I did not intervente because I was bisy taking photographs.

Poor Mister DSK was very upset and said me we is to go to the aerodrome. Unfortoonately he forget his portable in the rum, so he called the hotel with another portable. And a moment latter, the concierge of the hotel come inside the aeroplane and say Mister DSK, here is your portable. And then there was noise with the motors of the aeroplane and I did not hear nothinge anymoore.

Well, I have seen this morning a pictoore of a gentleman with handcoofs. This is not Mister DSK. I think this is a Gremlin. Because Mister DSK right nuw is making the toorn of the Place des Vousges in a Porch automobile and he is wairing a berd and a mustache. And there is a big affiche on the car who says : I am not Mister DSK. Vote for miself.